The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer:
Down at the Arroyo Cafe I shared a patio table and vaccination stories with Sour Frank and Lurlene. “I was blown away by the sight of all the volunteers at the UA’s pod. I asked an older volunteer why he was there. He said, ‘Like I told my grandkids, I served my country once, I’m happy to do it again.’ I was touched by his words. And his needle.”
Sour Frank wanted to needle Tucson Police Chief Chris Magnus’ good fortune. “Last time a Democrat poached an Arizonan Obama plucked Gov. Janet Napolitano to be his Homeland Security Chief. We got Jan Brewer in the Governor’s seat.”
Lurlene huffed, “The Sarah Palin in ski pants who gave us SB 1070.”
I groaned. “Reminded me of the time the Master Sergeant traded in his ‘too flashy’ Mustang for a Dodge Dart that blew smoke and swerved right.”
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Lurlene grinned. “Did you notice our chief was nominated by Biden to be the head of the Customs and Border Protection the same week a volcano blew in the Caribbean? And Hawaii’s Mauna Loa began quaking? It’s no coincidence. Seismic shifts are afoot.”
Rosa, carafe in hand, agreed. “Border Patrol and ICE are long overdue for a tectonic shakeup.”
From inside his cafe kitchen, Carlos shouted, “Magnus is the vato for the job! He stood up to politicians when they pushed policies that were counter-productive to effective community policing. Like a saguaro, amigos.”
Sour Frank rolled his eyes over his mask. “Whatever, Carlos. Magnus may not survive the politics waiting for him in Washington.”
I mentioned he should prepare for the experience by running through Cholla forests naked or into Mountain Lion dens wearing jackrabbit skins or…
Frank interrupted. “And if he’s approved he’ll get to lead thousands of pro-Trump Customs and Border Protection agents hostile to any ‘progressive’ reforms.”
Lurlene laughed at Sour Frank’s grim forecast. “Magnus can handle it. Anyone who’s survived summers in Tucson has already survived all the roasting, scorching and blistering the world can dish out.”
Frank fretted that Magnus once carried a protest sign agreeing Black Americans are human beings whose lives matter.
Lurlene thought this would matter only to “Hannity, Tucker and the senators who never got word from Appomattox that Dixie was to be forgotten.” Confederacy of dunces she called them.
Carlos said, “Chief Magnus’ challenge is easy. Develop skin thicker than a javelina’s hide and keep Liberty’s lamp lit.”
“Speaking of Sean Miller…” said Lurlene.
Perplexed, I asked, “Who?” I took a sip. “Name’s familiar.”
“The former winning coach of the University of Arizona Wildcat men’s basketball team.”
“Basketball. That’s the round orange ball, right?”
Sour Frank said I could not possibly be a Tucsonan. He asked me what I knew about Lute and I said Miller earned too much loot. “Not that Lute!”
“Oh, you mean the stringed medieval instrument?”
Sour Frank said, “Fitz, you are a heretic.”
And this heretic said, “Miller would easily find a job, particularly with his gift for remaining completely unaware of what his assistant coaches and recruiters were up to at all times. In college sports that kind of delegation and trust is an essential skill.”
Lurlene nodded. “I hope he returns to the Tonight Show to juggle basketballs again, particularly now that he’s mastered the ability as a coach to also turn vermillion and pop a neck vein at will.”
It was a natural progression from neck veins popping to the Reid Park Zoo controversy. The Arroyo Cafe crew had answers:
“Eliminate the zoo. Sell the stock to slaughterhouses, illicit wildlife traders and Third World pharmacists who deal in testicles and horns.”
Thanks, Very Sour Frank.
“Declare Barnum Hill a World Heritage UNESCO site akin to the Great Barrier Reef, The Great Wall of China or Machu Picchu.”
That was sarcasm, Rosa, right?
“Expand Reid Park Zoo vertically?”
“Carlos isn’t taking this seriously.” I am. “Use the zoo bond monies to host ‘Transparency and Public Communications workshops’ for Zoo leadership.”
Rosa put down her carafe. “Expand ‘Pathways to Asia’ into the Dell Urich Golf Course. I already wrote the brochure: ‘The South Course offers a gently rolling terrain with Komodo dragons and Malaysian Tigers, providing an excellent challenge for golfers who enjoying fighting off wildlife with a nine iron.’ Coming in 2023. What do you think?”
As friends laughed hearing 2023 startled me. For a moment I wondered what year it was. “Yesterday I went for a hike on my favorite trail and saw hedgehogs blooming and I was disoriented by the sudden onset of spring so soon. Between springs there was a winter of endless empty days without festivals or holidays to mark the season.”
Sour Frank smiled, dropped his mask and lifted his cup of Rosa’s finest. “Fitz, here’s to the Spring of 2021. And better days ahead.”
Fitz editorial cartoon archive 2021
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Unread
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Tell-alls
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Protecting who
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Uh-oh-lympics
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Your call
My View
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Bezos in space
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The Fourth
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Rain. please
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Just singin' in the rain
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Back to the future
Daily Fitz Cartoon: New state flag
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Saved
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Raisin brains
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Your Lawmakers at work
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Summit
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Critics of Critical Race Theory
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Sinema
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Water
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Rip Van Cicada
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mirage
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The usual suspects
Daily Fitz Cartoon: UFOs
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Future investment
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Sinema
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Vintage Fitz Memorial Day Cartoon
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Summer prep
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Arizona cosplayers
Daily Fitz Cartoon: How dry is it?
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Protecting your base
Daily Fitz Cartoon: AA
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Middle East
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Pandemic lesson
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Builders
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Maricopa Vote Count Headlines
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Revolution
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Ballot Count
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Cesar Chavez Statue
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Vaccinated
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Zoo
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Cyber Ninjas
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Oscars
Daily Fitz Cartoon: 5G
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Afghanistan
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Sean Miller
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Thoughts and Prayers
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Infrastructure
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mitch
Daily Fitz Cartoon: America returns
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Reid Park Zoo Expansion
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Battle of the Titans
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Wildcat Town
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Access to Weapons
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Go Wildcats!
Daily Fitz Cartoon: UA Women's Basketball
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mask
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Relief check
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Walls
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Q predicts!
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Boulder
Daily Fitz Cartoon: WWMD
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Housing Lore
Daily Fitz Cartoon: TPD Blues
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Quizzical response
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Opposing Relief
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Cuomo's Options
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Royal time
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mayor Bob Walkup
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Seuss on the loose
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Wilbur in lock down
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mask burners
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Virtual Headlines
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Under the Microscope
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Arizona
Daily Fitz Cartoon: American workers
Daily Fitz Cartoon: CPAC fun
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Back to School
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Ducey mourns
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Tomb of the Unknown
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Images from Mars
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Rover Perseverance
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Vaccine lines
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Not Guilty
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Valentine's Matchmaker
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Capitol Idea
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Impeachment verdict
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Tinkering
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Move on
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Mindful of our great losses
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Reaction to Impeachment
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Party Evolution
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Delaware Man Crossing River
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Just a game
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Dividing Families
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The Arrests Continue
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Never trust the Lucy
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Impeachment Checklist
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Working President
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Arizona's Twilight Zone Party
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The Winkies of Oz
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Malice towards none
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Warp speed
Daily Fitz Cartoon: January 20, 2021
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Wisdom for the Right
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Ducey's Catastrophe
Daily Fitz Cartoon: New Title
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Busy boy
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Pain
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Boss
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Pride of Arizona
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Trump's brag
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Art for Sunday Legislative List
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Ringleaders identified
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The Tragedy of Drought
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Arizona Headlines
Daily Fitz Cartoon: The Party of Insurrection
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Shrinking Presidential Immunity
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Train of thought
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Two Americas
Daily Fitz Cartoon: Blue line
David Fitzsimmons: