Money Manners: Switching airplane seats the right way

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

My girlfriend and I recently flew from New York to San Diego to visit my brother. We were among the last people to get seats for our flight, so my girlfriend wound up sitting by a window in one row, while I had a middle seat in another. Since I wanted to sit next to my girlfriend, I offered the woman in the aisle seat next to me $30 to swap seats with my girlfriend (the guy on the other side of me was asleep, so I couldn’t ask him). The woman said “no,” and that was that, except that she gave me a look that seemed to say, “What kind of a jerk offers someone money to trade seats on an airplane?” Did I do something wrong?

— Disappointed Airline Passenger, Southwestern Connecticut

Dear Disappointed:

Maybe you should have offered her 50 bucks.

But that’s a different story. Assuming you accepted her refusal with good grace, you did nothing wrong in offering to pay the stranger next to you to move. In fact, we applaud you. Too many people in your position would have asked a flight attendant to, in effect, pressure your seatmate to move “to allow this couple to sit together,” as if the woman were indifferent to where she sat.

In truth, of course, most airline passengers have strong seating preferences, and the folks who prefer to be on the aisle rarely view the window as equally desirable (and vice versa). Since you were asking your seatmate to give up her seat for another she probably wouldn’t like as much — not to mention to inconvenience herself — offering her money to do so was reasonable and respectful, not rude. Airlines have various schemes for collecting premiums for access to better seats. There was nothing wrong with seeing if a comparable premium might have motivated this woman to sell hers.

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For the record, She-Who-Would-Not-Move also did nothing wrong. While courtesy dictates kindness and consideration toward our fellow human beings, it does not require us to give up what we bought and paid for just because our fellow human beings are unhappy with what they bought and paid for.

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

Now that my four grandchildren no longer live at home with their parents, I no longer receive thank-you notes from any of them for the nice checks I always enclose with the cards I send them for birthdays and holidays. Christmas is around the corner. What should I do?

— Mrs. Claus, California

Dear Mrs. Claus:

You’ve heard of lumps of coal, right?

Seriously, think about sending those cards sans checks this year. While your grandchildren may be otherwise delightful young people, they’ve been very rude in not thanking their granny. You’ll be doing them a favor if you succeed in teaching them that ingratitude has consequences.