Money Manners

Columnists Leonard Schwarz and Jeanne Fleming

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

I own a custom framing shop where I have three employees. One of them is having a baby, and she’ll be taking three months off when it arrives. A good friend of mine, who’s an artist, has asked if he can have her job during the period when she’ll be away. While β€œDerek” is good at making frames, I know he’ll be a disaster with the customers (paying attention to what others want is not in his skill set; he expects to dictate taste). Moreover, Derek is in his 50s and is not the sort of person you can tell what to do. What should I do here? I know Derek could really use the money, and he and I go back a long way.

β€” D.F., Texas

Dear D.F.:

So, β€œPleasing the Client” wasn’t a required course where Derek went to art school? Alas, it so rarely is.

Kidding aside, your long friendship with Derek obligates you to help him out when you reasonably can. But what you’re not obligated to do is undermine your business in order to lend the guy a hand. Look, it’s not as if you have 100 employees and could hide him in the mailroom. Hire Derek and, as you say, he’ll drive away customers. Plus, by ignoring directions you give him, he’ll undermine your authority with your other employees.

So tell your friend you’re sorry, but you won’t be able to hire him. If he has a sense of humor and is self-aware, tell him that β€œartistic temperament” is not the right skill for the job. But whatever you do or say, don’t sabotage your enterprise by taking on a completely wrong-for-it employee.

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

When my husband’s family goes out for dinner, the check is always split evenly among him and his four siblings. However, each of the sibs has two or three kids, while my husband and I don’t have any. So if the tab is, say, $500, we end up paying $100 for just the two of us, while the others pay $100 for a family of four or five. Isn’t this unfair? Shouldn’t the check be divided per person? By the way, if I can’t go, my husband still has to pay $100.

β€” Curious, Sacramento, California

Dear Curious:

We’re surprised his siblings don’t bill your husband even when both of you stay home.

But to answer your question: Unless all of the kids are eating off the children’s menu while you and your husband are ordering mucho extra rounds from the bar, of course the situation you describe is unfair. That said, until the children are old enough to eat as much and drink as much as the adults, splitting the check per person doesn’t seem fair either.

So how about finding a restaurant that will provide you with separate checks? If the sibs object, drink up. (We’re kidding, we’re kidding.)


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Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are authors of the book, “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing with All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends — from Serial Borrowers to Serious Cheapskates” (Free Press, 2010).

Please e-mail your questions about money and relationships to them at Questions@MoneyManners.net.