Money Manners: Friend alienates bosses, but truth will crush her

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

My friend lost her job — again — and I know why. “Rachel” is very bright and well-spoken, which is why people hire her (she’s an administrative assistant). Her problem is, she can’t stop making suggestions — ever. So every time someone assigns her a task, instead of doing it, she engages the person in long discussions about alternate approaches to the task and how each approach might fit with the company’s mission (I know because she tells me).

Initially, her new employers love her enthusiasm.

But from the things she says, I can tell the people she works for eventually grow tired of Rachel’s insistence on talking things over (forever) while ignoring what she’s been asked to do. After that, it’s only a matter of time until she loses her job and blames her boss for “never listening.”

Should I tell her what she’s doing wrong? Rachel prides herself on the very characteristics that get her in trouble, and telling her the truth would really hurt her feelings.

— Helpless, Kansas City, Missouri

Dear Helpless:

So your friend never does what she’s told, and thinks that’s a virtue? Well, she’s not going to have much of a career if someone doesn’t wise her up. If you’re afraid of hurting Rachel’s feelings, see if you can find a particularly politic mutual friend to explain to her what is and isn’t expected of an employee. Whoever sets her straight will be doing your pal an enormous favor, even if she never says “thank you.”

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Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

Several years ago, my wife and I lent $50,000 to our son and his wife. They promised to make monthly payments to us of $205 for 20 years. Well, in the first two years, they made exactly one payment, even though we reminded them every month that a payment was due. Then they declared bankruptcy and divorced.

My son continues to flounder financially, but my wife and I have just learned that his ex is buying a house. Does this mean we have a shot at getting back the money we lent them? We are not wealthy people.

— Still Seething, Oregon

Dear Seething:

You’ll need to ask a lawyer if legal options exist for recovering any of the money you lent your daughter-in-law. Given the bankruptcy, we’re not optimistic. But if there’s any option available, we encourage you to use it. This woman’s behavior, like your son’s, was disgraceful, and there is no reason not to employ the full force of the law to try to right her wrong.

As for your son, the bankruptcy in no way reduces his moral obligation to repay his parents. No matter how bad his financial situation, he should be paying you something every month (let him drop his cable service or get a less-expensive phone plan).

Not going to happen, you say? OK. But especially if you have other heirs, we hope your son’s $50,000 debt and his dishonorable behavior have been taken into account in your wills.