Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
When my twin grandsons, who are very good athletes, had the opportunity to attend an elite baseball camp, my son, “Matt,” asked my wife and me if we could pay to send them. It was a lot of money, but we could afford it, and we know our son couldn’t. Also, Matt is our only child; the twins are our only grandchildren; and aside from this, he’s never asked for money. So we were happy to say yes. Recently, however, we ran into Matt and his wife as they were leaving a very expensive restaurant (their “favorite,” they said), a place my wife and I would never dream of going. We realize that their generation spends more on dining out than ours does, and we know that cutting back on meals wouldn’t have put them within striking distance of covering the camp’s tuition. But we’re unsettled by the thought of Matt and his wife ordering $35-$40 entrees after we had just shelled out $10,000 to send their kids to this camp. Are we wrong to feel a little resentful?
— Unhappy, Santa Monica, California
Dear Unhappy:
Only a little? Just because Matt and his wife couldn’t afford 10 grand for the baseball camp doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have made a few sacrifices in order to cover some of the cost. So, no, you’re not at all wrong to resent that instead of contributing to the tuition, they’re living large.
Still, there is no point in speaking up now that your good deed is done. But if your son ever wants to send his boys to another commercial sports program, tell him he’ll need to pick up a portion of the tab himself. While it’s a wonderful thing to provide opportunities for your grandchildren, there’s no reason you and your wife should, in effect, subsidize your son’s and daughter-in-law’s extravagances when doing so.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
I bought a condo in San Francisco that comes with a parking space. A couple on my floor asked if they could park one of their cars in my space since I don’t have a car, and I said, “OK.” That was four months ago. In the meantime, I’ve learned that the going rent for parking spaces in the building is $350/month. Now I feel I’m being taken advantage of. But since I don’t actually need my space, I’m not sure what to say to my neighbors. Suggestions?
— W.S., San Francisco, California
Dear W.S.:
If you’ve got any extra room in your closets, keep it to yourself.
Seriously, say to your neighbors: “I realize I’m never going to be using my parking spot, so I’ve decided to rent it, and I wanted to give you the first shot at it. The rent’s $350 a month. Let me know if you’re interested. Otherwise, I’ll start advertising.”
Your neighbors won’t be happy to hear this. And if they’re the freeloaders your letter implies they might be, they’ll probably show it. So remember: Their unhappiness — like their second car — is their problem. You’re not obligated to forgo $4,200 a year to keep them smiling.
