“Snow White” isn’t the woke screed you’ve heard it is.
In truth, it’s like a greatest hits release from Disney. Turning the company’s first full-length animated feature into a live-action extravaganza just required a little light housekeeping from other films. There’s an opening segment right out of “Beauty and the Beast,” a jaunty love interest direct from “Tangled” and a whole lot of songs that might have been shoehorned into “The Greatest Showman.”
Like the seven dwarfs, it’s a something-for-everyone venture that sags repeatedly, even though star Rachel Zegler is a bright (and fitting) choice for the title role.
Rachel Zegler appears in a scene from "Snow White."
In this rendition, she was born during a “Frozen”-like storm (note the logo similarities) that prompted her folks to name her “Snow White.” When mom dies, dad remarries, then disappears. That leaves the kingdom and the girl in the clutches of a queen who loves costume jewelry.
Prancing around in a stained-glass crown, Gal Gadot tries on several accents and line readings before settling on a take that looks suspiciously like the one in the animated film.
She’s upset Snow is the “fairest in the land” when she consults her magic mirror. She orders a huntsman to kill the girl (way to get rid of the competition) and, when he takes her into the woods, he doesn’t have the heart to do it.
Snow, meanwhile, lands in the home of the little miners who are away when she decides to take a nap. When they come home, the bonding is almost immediate, particularly between Snow and Dopey.
Drawn like Alfred E. Neuman from Mad magazine, he isn’t dim-witted, just unwilling to talk. That changes the dynamic a bit and puts a different slant on the friendship.
Luckily the prince-like man (nicely played by Andrew Burnap) keeps her in his rangefinder and sets out to right the wrongs. This isn’t any “Someday My Prince Will Come” situation (that song was axed), but it is a way for her to get back to making apple deliveries good.
She squares off with the Evil Queen and gets an all-white wedding that might have worked for “Mamma Mia” but not something this unblemished.
Songs by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul (the “Dear Evan Hansen” guys) move the story along but don’t really stand out as Oscar bait. Zegler sings many of them well, even though they’re much too familiar for their own good. When director Marc Webb tries to move the story in another direction, it seems like a Disney Channel adaptation. The sets and costumes are just so-so; the animated characters were better in 2-D.
If a lesson can be learned from this “Snow White,” it’s this: Disney, leave well enough alone. Instead of picking at the carcasses in their archives, plant new seeds and see what grows.
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