People give me credit for knowing a lot about parenting and assume I was a great parent myself (false). The main reason I tried to figure out how to parent kids right was that I made so many dumb parenting mistakes myself, despite the fact I was a board-certified pediatrician when I had my first child.
So I did (and still do) lots of reading in professional journals and books in disciplines from child development to anthropology to education. The Internet provides a good deal of parenting advice to filter through. But I also learn a great deal from parents themselves who are on the front line every day. After one of my lectures I always ask parents for comments and suggestions and many of my readers email me with a parenting tip they discovered or figured out on their own.
There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all precision parenting. Each child, each family, and each situation is unique.
Last week I learned about new parenting strategies that worked in at least in one household. The source? My son. Teaching manners to a 3 1/2 year old is not easy. My son shared the trick he uses when his son Joshua says something outrageous or rude, in a loud, imperious, obnoxious voice. Daddy bends down and says in an extremely polite voice, “Joshua, I think you mean, ‘Please get me the milk, Daddy.’” Joshua repeats that in his Daddy’s tone of voice. This became a little game of how polite can we talk.
Another “trick” my son shared was to take cues from Joshua’s passions so he can be pointed in a new but desirable direction when tired of playing by himself. For a while Joshua was in love with toy firetrucks and asked if he could have a fire extinguisher. Daddy labeled a sports water bottle “LA Fire Department” and Josh was a happy fireman.
Daddy has already learned to make a game out of discipline whenever possible and to go with a child’s passions but he did have one question for me. He is the principle caregiver during the day and sometimes has vital work to do at home. Joshua finds this a challenge.
When my son asked me what to do, I said make a big fuss over putting Joshua to “work.” Instead of shutting him out of the office, invite him in to do important “useful” tasks for you. He can sort sheets of colored paper, put stickers on file folders or draft documents, label folders (when he can print letters) organize a desk drawer, crayon pictures to decorate the office, draw a picture of Daddy at work to tape on the office door. The idea is that Joshua does real projects by himself and Daddy uses the end products.
PS. I invite parents to email me their parenting “tricks” that work.
